TITSZZZ

The office Christmas party started when Josh opened a bottle of Moet, tools were downed, glasses found, cakes taken from the fridge and party poppers let off.  It was Mad Friday and by 6pm the judgement of Josh, Simon and Derek was completely skewed.  When they went on a perfume sniffing mission, involving them burying their heads into the décolletage of every female, the office manager promptly suggested the three leave for town.

On their way out, they noticed a whisky bottle in the kitchen and decided to take it.  They piled into the room laughing at their audacity.  The cleaner, in an extremely bad mood, was putting glasses into the dishwasher.

“Hello darlin’!” shouted Josh, looking at his mates giggling, “I’m gonna sniff the cleaner’s tits!”
She straightened to protest, but he swept her slight frame up, sat her on the counter and buried his head in her tiny chest; “Peanuts!” he yelled.
“That’s what she smells like?” Simon laughed.
“Soap is what she smells like, peanuts is what she has.  You need a boob job, love!”
Simon thought it was hilarious, but Derek intervened, pulling Josh off; “Town,” he said and mouthed an apology to the cleaner.
“Wait,” she said, without hesitation, “there are women with better tits at eibmoZ Club.  It’s where WAG’s and models end their night.”
Simon handed her his smartphone, “Plug the postcode in, sweetheart.”

Later, they found themselves in a graveyard.  Puzzled, they suspected it was a joke, but were willing to see it through.  Then they saw a crypt with fairy lights round it and a neon sign – eibmoZ CLUB.  The bouncer wore a hooded coat that rendered his face invisible.

“You can’t come in,” he grunted at Derek, “you’re drunk.  You two are welcome.”
It was a fair call, probably was Derek’s home time, he stumbled away, while Simon and Josh entered, walking down steps into a wall of thumping R&B music.  The club was dark, but they could see females in silhouette writhing on the dancefloor, long haired, thin with huge tits and curvy behinds – perfect!

They skipped the bar because they still had the whisky bottle and headed straight to the women; “Wanna sniff your t ...” Josh stopped mid sentence, staring at the redhead in front.  She was wearing a mini skirt and low top, but her flesh was hanging off her thin arms and decaying, her rib bones stuck through her exposed midriff, her face was slack and her tits were huge lumps of silicon yellowing with age.  She grabbed his head and pulled it against her, the overwhelming smell of corruption causing him to puke.  The music stopped; Simon, aware they were surrounded, pulled Josh up; “Ladies, excuse us, it’s the end of the night.”

“The night never ends here,” they chorused.
One of them pulled up her skirt to flash her silicon enhanced bony behind; “We’ve been waiting for lads like you!”
There were too many too push past, Simon and Josh gave up and let the wall of surgically enhanced women in various states of decay close in.  At least these girls were up for it.

Outside the cleaner leaned against the crypt wall, sharing a large cigar with the bouncer.  She gave the starlit sky a contented look and said to nobody in particular; “Merry Christmaszzz.”