THE TWO PRESIDENTS

The announcement came at 3.30am; Magdread the Mighty was the new President of the Democratic Kingdom of Peasants with Torches.  His was an unprecedented victory over the Aristocrats, nobody could remember the last time a Peasant was elected, let alone one from the feared Warrior class.  Protesters took to the streets chanting “Not my President!”

 

In the morning, the grey faced Aristocrats gathered to watch Magdread’s speech, their eyes darting from side to side.

Magdread spoke honestly to the fearful people, saying he’d unite them all - the Warriors, Farmers, Office Peasants and Aristocrats.  He recognised the need for change that led to his election, but admitted that he hadn’t expected victory and would be asking for help.  This attempt at humility was his first mistake.

 

When he returned to his cave, gilded with the spoils of a thousand battles and decorated with the skulls of his enemies, Magdread was informed that the Aristocrats had come.  Magdread was tired, he wanted to eat, drink and sleep in the arms of his favourite concubine, Woman the Silent, but he also knew he must not turn the Aristocrats away.  He sat in his great chair and welcomed the grey men, allowing them to sit in his presence, offering them the services of his women, which they declined.

 “Magdread the Mighty,” the elder stated, “we fear you’d find running a country boring.  There are lots of meetings and journeys to foreign lands where you could not take your concubines or drink wine.  You would have to make decisions over trivial matters.  We suggest you have another President behind the scenes to deal with these things.  Then you could focus on the war with the Kingdom of Isis.”
Magdread stroked his beard, this sounded reasonable, he could focus on chopping off the heads of his enemies and raping their women; “Who will this be?” he asked.
A man stepped forward out of the shadows, immaculately dressed in a tailored suit; “I’m Derek.”
Magdread’s eyes narrowed, he distrusted Office Peasants, but at least it was not an Aristocrat.
“Don’t Magdread,” his least favourite concubine, Woman the Opinionated whispered, “this man is controlled by Aristocrats.”
“Silence woman!”  Magdread roared, “you are decoration not counsel!  Bring wine for Derek, he will be second President!”

 

At first Magdread was pleased, he rode to battle against the Kingdom of Isis and when he got home he bullied his slaves and exploited his concubines.  However, one day he returned to find Derek with some documents for him to sign.  “You don’t need to read them, I’ve already done so.”

Magdread snatched the papers, read them and threw them into the fire.  “You were cancelling the things the people want me to do.”
“The people don’t really want to eat raw meat, Mr President,” said Derek, “they just say they do.  Making it law that every woman has a son is ludicrous; as is the burning of places that provide an end to unwanted pregnancies.  Further, the wall you want to build between here and the Unhappy Kingdom of Poverty is lunacy, how will the migrants get through?  The migrants are useful, they will work for next to nothing.”
“If we leave employment laws as they are and shout at them loud enough our people will work for nearly nothing,” argued Magdread.
“Magdread,” Derek said softly, “listen.”
The cave went silent, Magdread could hear the chants outside it; “Not my President!  Not my President!”
“If you put an end to these proposals, these people will love you as your Warriors do …”
“But the people voted …”
“They don’t know what they want.  Trust me, I know these things.  I am the second President and you swore you would listen to me.  I’ve written a speech for you to give tomorrow.  I’ll be with you; I will stand beside the podium.”

 

The next day Magdread reluctantly delivered his speech, telling the people they must cook their meat, that women could still get rid of unwanted pregnancies and that the wall would not be built.  Afterwards there was silence, even his faithful Warrior Peasants were glaring at him.

“Coward!” someone shouted.
“Liar!”
“You said those things so we would vote for you!”
Something caught in Magdread’s peripheral vision, he saw an Aristocrat shaking Derek’s hand.
“I’ve been tricked!” he cried, tearing up the speech, “I was told you didn’t really want these things, but you do!”
“Is it true there is a second President?”  It was the cunning voice of Woman the Opinionated.
“Yes!” cried Magdread, “they told me he would act for me so I could fight Isis!”
Derek began backing away from the edge of the podium, but in three great strides, Magdread had caught him; “Here he is, the Office Peasant!  The most elite of all Peasants!  He eats avocado for breakfast, he lets his woman advise him, he goes to the theatre in the evenings and insists that we treat migrants fairly!  He saves his gold and aspires to be an Aristocrat!”
A chant arose from the Warriors and Farmers; “Kill him!  Kill him!”
The Office Peasants and Aristocrats tried to flee from the room, but the Warriors barred their way.

“This is the beginning of a new era,” Magdread the Mighty proclaimed as he slit Derek’s throat; “an end to elitism, tolerance and diversity.  Death to the intellectuals, death to those who would say they are above us!  Kill them my people!  Kill them all!”