THE GOVERNMENT IS WATCHING YOU, MAURICE WINKLETON

“Simmonds, report.”
“Sir, Mr Maurice Winkleton no longer goes to his office.  He’s working from home.  Shall I remove the cameras we installed along his route?”
“No.  Place cameras inside his home.  All rooms but the bathroom.”
“Yes sir.  Why are we watching him?”
“Works from home, hmm?  Skiver!”

“Report, Edwards.”

“Maurice Winkleton spent the day at his desk.  He was distracted by an internet article on bees and news about the football team he supports.  Then he got a work phone call and remembered what he was supposed to be doing.  He left his desk ten times - five bathroom trips, three cups of tea and two trips to make food.  Breakfast was a bacon sandwich, lunch a Cornish pasty and Pringles.  He’s ordered a kebab, fries and mayonnaise from King Kebab via Nosh dot com, he’s awaiting delivery.”
“His girlfriend?”
“When she texted while he was reading about his football team, he reminded her that he had work to do.  I’ve got texts printed out for you and a transcript of his work conversation.  Why are we watching him, sir?”
“A kebab?  That man should be incarcerated for his eating habits alone!”

“Report, Farrington.”

“Sir, Mr Winkleton slept during the night, getting up to use the bathroom twice.  During the evening after he’d consumed a Kebab, fries and mayonnaise, his girlfriend visited and he refused sexual intercourse ...”
“What?!”
“He put music on and talked directly in her ear.  I couldn’t record what he said, it appeared emotional.  She left afterwards and is on her way here.  Sir, why are we watching him?”
“Refused to make love to Blake?  Unbelievable!  Kebab aside, I’m disturbed by the number of bathroom trips, once should be enough for a man in the night.  Have cameras installed in there.”

“Blake - the unrecorded conversation.”

“Sir, Mr Winkleton refused intercourse with me.  He’s paranoid the Government is watching him.  He used to point out the cameras along his route to work.  Now, he’s sure he's found little cameras in the walls of his bedroom.  When I tried to tell him it was ridiculous, he accused me of being in on it and broke up with me.”
“I want a report on his sexual habits.”
“Yes sir. Why are we watching him?”
“Sir, Blake, come quickly!  He’s been trying to pick the cameras out of the walls of his bedroom, but now ... Look at this!”
“Good God, Farrington!  The man is bashing at the walls of his bathroom with a sledge hammer!  Now he’s clutching at his head, sinking to the ground and crawling into the shower cubicle.”
“Sir, he’s having a nervous breakdown.  You didn’t answer me when I asked why we are watching him.”
“Simply because he thought we might watch him, Blake.  We don’t tolerate surveillance conscious citizens here and his paranoia has reached an unacceptable level.  Issue a warrant for his arrest.  Farrington, zoom in on his face, very close up, look at his tears ... I think they’re quite beautiful.”