ON THE MOTORWAY AT DAWN

That white van is at my bumper, headlights so close they look unreal – what a maniac!  As I pull into the slow lane he follows and continues right against me.  Was it that last minute lane change I did a while ago?  Am I a victim of road rage?  There’s no-one else around in these dark early hours.  I wish the boys were here.  They’d scare him off with their rugby physiques and James’ awful tattoo.  Their flight had to be at dawn, didn’t it?  I hope they took everything out of the boot ...

The van is passing.  I keep my eyes firmly on the road as it slowly goes by.  Then it pulls in front and slows - from 77mph, to 70, now 60.  Ridiculous!  I move into the middle lane and overtake.  Unable to resist, I look sideways into the driver’s cabin and see ... nothing.  That can’t be right!  Surely I would have seen the silhouette of a man; someone must be driving that van!  It’s a trick of the dark.  The boys would laugh at their old Mum panicking like this.  It was my imagination, wasn’t it?  I just feel such a sense of menace. 

I’m doing 90mph up a hill, but the van is at my bumper again.  When the speedometer creeps past 100, it doesn’t fall back.  The dark makes it impossible to check from the rear-view that someone’s driving it.  I’m doing 110mph now and it’s still there!  Those vans aren’t capable of these speeds!  I’m now convinced what I saw was true, that it’s empty and being propelled by some invisible, malevolent force.  I wish James and Sean were here!

Hang on.  When the boys were babies my life had one aim; raise them, protect them, make them feel loved.  I worked 12 hour shifts so I could send them to a good school; I tracked down their father and forced him to pay maintenance, despite his threats.  I confronted that burglar, alone in the lounge at 3am with a kitchen knife and he ran because he knew I’d defend my little boys to the death.  How did I become so dependent on them when they grew to men?  I’m still the person who fought, provided and knew no fear.  Right, next lonely stretch, I’m pulling alongside this- this mofo.  If he wants to play chicken, I’ll give him a game, I’ll run that empty van off the road!  After all, it’s just an empty van, what is there to fear?

The sun is coming up as I check the rear-view, the van is tailing off a little, there’s light enough to see now, no-one is driving it, I wasn’t being silly.  It’s slowing though, diminishing into the distance.  Of course the boys will be all right studying at that European university, they have each other and I’ll be OK alone ...

I look again, the white van is gone.  I drive home with confidence.