THE CASTLE OF MORTGAGE MISERY

Once upon a time there was a fairy Princess called IwantMoreFromLife.  She lived in The Castle of Mortgage Misery with her husband Prince Goodman.

One day Princess IwantMoreFromLife and Prince Goodman had a Terrible Argument and Princess IwantMoreFromLife decided to leave.  She packed all her dresses and tiaras and opened the Front Door, walking into sunshine.  Two fearsome wolves dressed as noblemen blocked her path.

“I’m Princess IwantMoreFromLife, how dare you stop me!  Who are you?”
“I’m Lord Estate Agent and he’s Count Banker,” replied the smaller of the two.
Count Banker produced a parchment; “You cannot leave until you’ve given me the money you owe for the Castle of Mortgage Misery or I’ll take The Everything away.”
Princess IwantMoreFromLife knew that having The Everything taken away was terrible.  She stormed indoors and went to the Room of Gloomy Sadness where Prince Goodman sat.
“I’ve taken a suite at the Palace of Joy, but Lord Estate Agent and Count Banker won’t let me leave,” she snapped petulantly.
“That’s right.  Lord Estate Agent said we can’t sell the Castle because it isn’t worth what we borrowed to buy it and Count Banker said I don’t have enough money to live here alone.  You have to pay Your Share,” replied Prince Goodman.
“But I can’t pay that and the rent at the Palace of Joy.”
Prince Goodman sighed; “I’m sorry, IwantMoreFromLife, but you can’t go gallavanting to the Palace of Joy, until we’ve paid the money we owe to Count Banker or he’ll take The Everything away.”

Princess IwantMoreFromLife looked into Prince Goodman’s eyes, somehow they seemed to tell her all of this was her fault.  She looked round the Room of Gloomy Sadness at pictures of their Fairy Tale Wedding.  She sighed, wondering how they’d come to have the Terrible Argument.  She went to the Room of Guilt and Distress to think and surf the Internet.  She found many advertisements from nobles like herself who had a Terrible Argument with their spouses and needed Somewhere to Live.  Perhaps one of these nobles could stay with Prince Goodman and help him pay back Count Banker.  She went downstairs into the Hall of Misguided Hope where her suitcases of dresses and tiaras were waiting and opened the Front Door.  Immediately Lord Estate Agent and Count Banker blocked her path; “I’ve found a lodger!” Princess IwantMoreFromLife announced, “Earl MidLifeCrisis will live with Prince Goodman.”

“Earl MidLifeCrisis isn’t worth nearly as much as you are,” Count Banker replied, “your Princessly income is higher.  We’re not interested in him.”
“And when he feels the atmosphere in the Room of Guilt and Distress, he won’t stay,” Lord Estate Agent added.
They stared at her accusingly and weeping she returned through the Hall of Misguided Hope, up the Stairs of Indecision and Regret, into the Room of Guilt and Distress to cry.  The Palace of Joy where all her friends lived seemed far away.  Princess IwantMoreFromLife realised she had been stupid to think she would be allowed to leave Prince Goodman.   She thought of going to the room of Gloomy Sadness to sit with him, but realised she could not bear to because he had such sad, angry eyes.  She was trapped in the Castle of Mortage Misery, in the Room of Guilt and Distress for ever after or for at least for another 24 years, when the mortgage would be repaid, and by that time Princess IwantMoreFromLife would be very old indeed.