NO HEAVEN

Joan Stowne died on the 3^rd November 2013.  She lay in darkness for two nights; then on the third day she woke to find herself at the entrance of a beautiful garden.  An angel opened the gate and Joan walked through.
“Congratulations!” the angel cried, “you’ve won a stay in Heaven for all of eternity!”
“No thank you,” Joan answered.
The angel looked horrified; “What do you mean?  No thank you?”  Then his face softened, “look, God knows and I know that you were under some pressure in your life and perhaps all of it didn’t go as well as you’d hoped.  I want to reassure you, everything is done for you here.  There is nothing to worry about, nothing challenging, no more stress.”
“I didn’t mind the challenges,” Joan was looking over the angel’s shoulder at a cherry blossom tree, “they made me feel alive.”
“OK, your relationships with people then, you really struggled with those, didn’t you?  Here you’ll have an entourage of perfect friends, you’ll never be alone.  They will compliment you constantly, raise your self esteem, they won’t betray you or bitch about you.  Everyone is terribly lovely here.”
“I didn’t mind the flawed people,” Joan replied, “they were the most interesting.”
The angel was struggling now; “Is it that you’ll miss your friends and relatives on earth?  Don’t worry, you can look down from above and witness their achievements.”
“If I’d wanted to watch my friends and relatives being happy I wouldn’t have closed down my Facebook account while I was still alive.”
The angel stared at Joan in complete confusion; “Look at the surroundings, the accommodation you’ll live in will be excellent, you’re in Heaven for goodness’ sake!  I can’t understand why you’re not happy.  I think you’re being ungrateful to be honest.”
“Am I still Joan Stowne?”
“Well of course you are.”
“Therein lies the problem.  When I killed myself, I wanted there to be a big, black nothing.  I don’t like being Joan Stowne, I wanted her dead and now you’re sentencing me to be Joan Stowne for all eternity.  You think I’m ungrateful, well you’re cruel.”