BREATHE

At first I didn’t feel anything and I didn’t guard my heart because I didn’t consider you a threat.  It happened during that stroll, when the sun was in your hair and you were kicking autumn leaves, laughing at my jokes.  Suddenly I loved you, just like that.  You paused, gasping for breath and looked up.

“You OK?” I asked.
“A bit breathless.”
“Me too,” I smiled tenderly.

I cried when I went home.  You have to understand, I hadn’t loved for years and the intensity of it tortured me.  I had to be near you.  So I knocked on your door, fell into your arms and told you everything.

“I must move in,” I insisted, “we can’t be apart.”
“I’m sorry,” you replied, “you see, I can’t breathe when I’m with you.”
This was a ridiculous claim, made in order to dodge commitment.  I lost my temper, it was your fault I was in love; you’d have to accept the consequences.

You did your best to make your home mine, but you became listless and complained of headaches.  You were drowsy by day and restless at night.  It worried me and I told you to rest.  Despite my constant attention, your skin darkened and I was aware that you were always struggling to breathe.

One night I woke to an empty bed and found you asleep in the living room.  I hoped you were better because you were breathing more easily, but as soon as I came in, you woke and began that horrible rasping again.  I told you that your condition required comfort, not a cold couch.  “I can’t breathe when I lie beside you,” you complained.

“You want to be in any other room except the one I’m in!  You don’t love me!” I snapped.
“It’s not that!  I just ... can’t ... breathe!”

I had to carry you into the bedroom; then I lay next to you, telling you I’d never go from your side and all would be well.

“Please ...” you whispered, your breath coming in labored gasps, “please ...”
I couldn’t leave you like you wanted, you needed care and I loved you too much.  I put everything required in the one room and remained beside you.  As time passed, I cried and begged and pleaded you to fight.
“If you could just ... go ...” you said faintly.
I shook my head.
You shut your eyes in defeat.  My heart beat quickened and a lump rose in my throat.  “No!” I cried in anguish.

I hugged your unconscious body, told you I loved you and begged you to wake.  As my feelings reached their peak, you drew your last breath.  My hand was on your heart when it ceased to beat and my arms were around you when your flesh turned cold.  I held on and on.