Welcome to the land of Far Far Away and the Kingdom of Andalasia’s School for Future Princesses - it’s our first ever Sports Day. We understand that looking perfect, meeting princes and singing ballads are more important, but unfortunately sport has been forced onto the curriculum by the Health and Equality Committee.
Our winners are Ariel at swimming, Elsa and Anna at ice skating, Rapunzel at high jump and Mulan at archery. Cinderella’s upper body strength allowed her to succeed at javelin and Jasmine’s sword fighting is impressive. Those who have done less well are Aurora who is sleeping off the 100 metre sprint and Snow White who is singing a song about how losing doesn’t matter. Belle and Tiana refused to take part, respectively preferring books and business studies.
The next event is awkward – the Health and Equality Committee tell us that parents must take part, so we have a Mother’s Egg and Spoon Race. However, while Aurora, Mulan and Tiana have Mums; Belle, Jasmine, Ariel, Cinderella, Snow White and Elsa and Anna do not. As numbers are thin on the ground, we’ve let stepmothers and guardians take part too. So joining Eudora, Fa Li and Queen Leah are Lady Tremaine, Queen Grimhilde and Mother Gothel (poor Rapunzel still thinks that woman is her mum).
Grimhilde and Gothel are squabbling about which of them is the fairest. Tremaine has asked Cinderella to carry her egg and spoon. The whistle goes, Tremaine with Cinderella gamely balancing her egg has taken an early lead. This has enabled her to avoid the spell that bends the spoons of Eudora, Fa Li and Leah. They are returning to the start to collect new ones while likely culprits Gothel and Grimhilde close in on Tremaine. Oh no! What a nasty tumble Gothel has sustained, she’s reached out though and managed to grab the ankle of Grimhilde, severely hampering her. Serves Grimhilde right! We have secret footage of her in the toilets ten minutes before the race chanting ‘Mirror mirror on the wall, may Mother Gothel have a fall’. Miraculously they haven’t dropped their spoons and enchantment is suspected as their eggs are floating. Grimhilde has given Gothel a good old fashioned kick in the face and is pursuing Tremaine relentlessly to the line. Quick thinking spectator Elsa has cast a spell so that anyone else doing magic will be frozen out. Speed counts from here. Look at Gothel, she’s got a broken ankle and a bruised face, but she’s still crawling towards the line, I think she may even beat Leah, Eudora and Fa Li who are just beginning the race again. Grimhilde, clearly the fittest of them all, has caught up with Tremaine, right at the finishing line and it’s a draw! Gothel has managed to crawl to third place and the rest of the mothers chattering quite happily together have wandered over the line joint last – far too kind hearted to compete.
Well, who deserves the trophy? Gothel with her grim determination to keep trying no matter what? Grimhilde for her fitness and sheer ruthlessness? Or Tremaine for being able to delegate the less important tasks and set winning as her priority? Step up ladies and share the glory! What role models you are - ruthless, bossy, strong, uncompromising and determined. These are wonderful qualities which we hope you will pass to your charges to make them fit for today’s society. Look, there’s generosity for you, Grimhilde is offering Gothel and Tremaine apples, how kind.
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