CINDERELLA

Christ!  I’m bored out of my fucking skull!  Endless, endless parties, wearing stupid, stupid shoes!  Curse my fairy godmother for getting me into this mess.  The men on about their portfolios and the women talking about babies.  Property blah, money blah, nappies ugh, shut up already!

There’s not much choice when you’re a Disney Princess.  You start life sweeping a floor singing your heart out full of heady anticipation; then you become the wife of somebody you meet once at a ball because you’re so grateful he even danced with you in the first place.

Don’t get me started on Prince Charming – Mr Party Party - he’s a fucking drunk.  Currently he’s passed out in the royal latrine, a urine stain on his trousers.  Charming, he ain’t, unless you count throwing up on the buffet as a social grace.  It certainly delivered us from yet more brown, non nutritious, deep fried food.  I was a bit sorry to see the spring rolls disappear under a sea of puke though.

God, I was happier being a skivvy to my ugly sisters.  Aren’t they the lucky ones?  No-one’s going to marry them into a life of vacuous pointlessness.  Maybe, just maybe, if I speak nicely to my wicked stepmother, she’ll take me back.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

“Belle, I think it’s time for happily ever after.  Will you move in with me?” the handsome Prince asked.
“Oh, Adam!  Yes!” replied Belle.
Prince Adam spared no expense decorating their room in his lavish castle, her wardrobe was full of gowns and her dresser packed with jewellery and perfume.
“You’re so beautiful,” he told her, “please ask the servants to make coffee.”
Belle couldn’t find anyone in the kitchen, so she made Prince Adam coffee herself and took it to him.  He received it with pleasure and suggested they dine out; “You must wear the blue dress,” he stated, “it’ll bring out the colour of your eyes.”

Often the Prince asked Belle to get the servants to do this or that.  He passed his time in the study eating sandwiches, drinking coffee and doing his princely duties.  He told Belle it was very important he should not be disturbed.

One day, feeling lonely Belle took Prince Adam coffee instead of sending a servant; “Can we do something together today?” she asked.

Adam looked up with an unfamiliar expression that altered his face, his eyes were red rimmed, his nose a little pinched; “I told you not to disturb me!”
“But I bought you ...”
“Did I ask for coffee?”
“No ...”
“Out you go!” he pointed to the door.

Belle left in fear that she was in trouble.  When Adam came to dine with her later, he behaved as if nothing had happened.  She wasn’t sure if it was the light, but he looked older, haggard.
“That dress is too frilly,” he snapped, “no dinner for you until you put something sensible on.”
Belle rushed to obey.  They ate dinner in silence, she was afraid to speak in case she annoyed him.
“Bring me coffee,” he demanded when the servants had gone to bed, “not that instant shit.  I want filtered.  Oh, and you went out this afternoon.  I’d prefer if you didn’t, I might need you.”
“I went to see my sisters.”
“What did you talk about?”
“How ... happy I am.”
He sneered as if he didn’t believe her and this time she really noticed that something had changed, his shoulders were hunched, eyes hooded, the lips she had kissed thinner and the teeth they drew back to reveal seemed sharper.
“What about my coffee?” he yelled.
Belle returned with his coffee just as fast as she could.
“Not quick enough,” he snapped, “go to bed.  I’ll drink alone.”
“I haven’t seen you all ...”
The look he gave her was full of anger and resentment.
“You’ve changed!” she cried in despair, “you look ...”
He stood up; “Like what?”
She stared at his belly, was it bigger?  The hairs on his arm were thick almost like fur and his face was unshaven.  His eyes glowed red.  “Like a beast,” she answered.
He laughed sarcastically; “This is the real me, love.  Go to bed, I’ll join you soon.  Put something sexy on.”

BRICKS

"Come out you coward!  You fucking yellow streaked pig!  Come out and face me!  I’ll have yer!  I’ll break you in pieces!  I’ll huff and I’ll puff …"

Yeah, whatever.  Like always, I hid and he couldn’t find me.  Track my progress, look at the towns I’ve lived in, the people I’ve been.  My body grows older, but I’m unchanged, cocooned in some hiding place or another. I’ve seen so much and met so many, but no lessons can penetrate bricks.  There was no need to be brave.  There was always something to keep the wolf from the door.

Every hiding place I’d ever known was made of bricks.  I started to feel trapped in a boring interior that never changed.  The wolf was gone in the spring, so I boldly upgraded to a fresh perspective.  The wooden walls weren’t as safe, but they smelt of spring trees.  However, after a while, even they started to feel a little constraining …

The new bolt-hole I got in the summer was really pretty at first.  Maybe a little unreliable, perhaps not hiding place material, but it smelt of grass and flowers, of blue sky fun.  It had such a beautiful thatched roof.  I couldn’t resist it.  I loved making my bacon sandwiches in the sun filled kitchen.

Now it’s autumn and cold suddenly.  Everything has changed with the season.  The freezing air is seeping through the thatch and I can hear the wind moaning in the chimney.  I feel spooked, sat here by myself.  Perhaps I should go stay with a friend.  The cold didn’t penetrate through bricks in this way and there’s a damp feeling.  The central heating isn’t working and no matter how much I surround myself with duvet covers and cushions I’m still shivering.  I’m lonely and vulnerable.  What was that?  Please tell me that was the wind.  No, it was a howl and there’s the unmistakeable scratching at the door.  He’s found me again.

 “Come out you coward!  You fucking yellow streaked pig!  Come out and face me!  I’ll have yer!  I’ll break you in pieces!  I’ll huff and I’ll puff …”

The walls of straw are shaking!   I’ve dived beneath the duvet and peering out I can see him breaking through.  That grey shaggy creature, his hungry red eyes and the saliva dripping from his jaws.

"Got fed up of bricks did yer?  You stupid sow!  I’ll tear your throat out!"

How I long for those bricks and their protection now that the wolf has blown down my door.  He’s drawing in the air through his nose and catching my scent.  He’s seen my shape under the duvet …